iMust Be Delusional
by Sincerly.Jadelyn
Summary: "No offense Sam, but what the hell are you doing here?" "I always sleep over after the show..." "But you're dead..." REPOSTED in memory of Jadelyn  aka Jade  May she rest in peace. Sorry for the rant it was really only one person, but it kinda got to me.
1. iMust Be Delusional

**Update. **This is't Jade. I'm just her friend. I'd just like to inform (to anyone whom this may concern) that you shouldn't be angry with her. She was having a really tough time and I guess I'm just so ignorant and stupid that I didn't realize how much she'd changed. I don't want to make this any more painful than this has to be, so I'm just going to say it. Jadelyn is no longer with us.

I'm reposting her stories so this can be a nice way to remember her. Because writing always seemed to make her really happy (what would I know anyway)...

**-Mia**

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><p>Carly glanced at the tear-stricken faces of the other mourners.<p>

It was kind of ironic that even those Sam had taunted mercilessly really cared about her.

Gibby was there, crying loudly, even a lot of the AV club nerds she taunted had been there. Lately she had eased up on them, though. It was more of a friendly banter… especially with a certain tech producer.

She was still in shock about the whole thing.

She never saw it coming.

No one else did either.

Not even Sam.

She had been beating herself up about it all week.

Since the moment the light left her best friend's crystal eyes.

If she had gotten there sooner, her friend might still be here.

She knows it's ridiculous, but she cries about it every time she's alone.

It's not like Freddie hadn't tried to save her.

He jumped in front of the cement truck and got her out of the way, but luck wasn't on their side.

"I can't believe you did that for me! Let's get out the street before you- someone actually gets hurt, nub."

"SAM, WATCH OUT-"

A blood-curdling scream pierced the background noise of the situation as the blonde saw what ultimately would cause her death.

Some asshole on a motorcycle was speeding and had attempted to stop, but ended up flipping back over front onto Sam, killing her and the rider. Carly remembered the gory seen all too well. The wheels were still turning when they had fallen onto Sam and they ripped the skin on the whole right side of her stomach apart. Her best friend's guts were flying everywhere as the wheel got closer and closer to her hipbone. What made it even worse was that while this was happening, she was still awake. Carly could hear her sobbing loudly as the wheel turned through her. It was then she noticed Freddie by Sam's side, trying to relax her as she took her dying breath.

She couldn't hear what he was saying, but it didn't matter at that point. The blonde's eyes were fluttering shut and the boy at her side was falling silent. He looked up and the moment his eyes met mine, it had really hit me. Sam was dead. Sam was really dead. I knew it. He knew it. Ironically, the ambulance shows up not a second after she takes her last breath. Before I knew what was happening, there was crime scene tape around the area of the street. The blocked off area is crawling with paramedics. And Freddie and I are pushed off to the side, left to wallow in the horrible image we had just seen. And I couldn't bring myself to forget it. The image of my blonde friend, basically torn in half, with a motorcycle crushing her under its weight, lying in a pool of blood would never… well, could never be erased from my mind.

That's why they couldn't even have an open casket.

They didn't even get one last time to look at her.

Carly sobbed even harder at the thought.

It hit her like a ton of bricks.

This IS really happening; she is actually never going to see her friend again.

Spencer tried to comfort her.

He understood how she felt, to an extent.

To him losing Sam is like losing a little sister.

But still, Carly pushed him away, wanting to stay strong, at least a little.

Not for her, but for Sam.

Sam wouldn't want her to blubber like an idiot.

Sam would want to be missed, but she wouldn't want Carly to cry too much.

Father McGurthy (the world's fattest priest) said the last words of the ceremony and the casket started lowering into the ground.

At that point, she noticed Freddie standing off to the side, looking as if he was holding back tears.

She noticed something was off about him.

Before Sam died, he was a happy person. He'd constantly complain about Sam's antics or whatever argument they were currently in, but if you listened closely, there was a kind of excitement in his voice when he spoke about her. His face lit up, and he didn't even seem to realize how happy even fighting with Sam made him.

He always had kind of a sparkle in his eyes before. Carly had especially noticed it when he'd argue with Sam. Every time it'd get heated, they'd both get a mischievous gleam in their eyes. No. More like child-like gleam, like the one a small child gets on Christmas morning. Carly always thought it was sweet how they didn't realize how much they really enjoyed each other's company. But Freddie didn't hold that kind of joy anymore.

When Sam left, she took that part of him with her, or so it seemed anyway.

Carly had always suspected he had feelings for their blonde friend, but now she was sure of it.

She never really got why Freddie had dealt with everything Sam put him through over the years, but it became clear after a while that they were actually really close friends.

Even though they pretended they couldn't stand each other.

Carly thought about all the times she had tried to stop their bickering. After a while she gave up though. They were like an old married couple! That reminded her of that one day they had all gone to the park.

"_You're such a nub, Fredward!"_

"_Better than being a blonde-headed demon!"_

"_So you admit it?"_

"_No! I'm saying that if I were a nub it would still be better than being a delinquent!"_

"_In what galaxy?"_

"_All of them!"_

_As they were fighting the two of them got closer and closer until they were almost forehead-to-forehead._

_They didn't notice until an elderly couple watching the scene commented._

"_Young love nowadays…."_

_They walked away shaking their heads and smiling as Sam and Freddie jumped apart, examining their shoes as if something about the ground had suddenly grasped their attention. That was when everything was great…and the iCarly team was still intact…._

After a while Carly was brought back to the real world by Spencer, who was repeatedly calling her name.

"Carly…Carly…Carly…CARLAYYYY!"

"Sorry, I was just zoning out."

"Do you want to get something to eat, kiddo?"

"No. I'm not hungry."

"You have to eat sometime. You can't just starve because eating reminds you of her. We had this conversation yesterday, didn't we?"

"Yeah…"

Ever since Sam's death, Spencer had been different too. He was much more grown-up. He took care of Carly instead of the way it used to be when Carly had to keep him in check.

Carly thought about how life was like a week ago, when they were doing iCarly. They were all having a blast, and they had more viewers than ever before. They didn't have a care in the world. School had just been let out and everything was picture perfect.

Until Sam decided to walk to the bus stop so she could go home.

How could things change so fast?

One minute they're all laughing and having fun and the next, there are only two left and they're borderline depressed.

Or more depressed than that.

Much more depressed than that.

Who isn't depressed when they lose their best friend?

Or in Freddie's case, the love of his life, though he won't admit it.

_I'll get him to admit it. _She thought.

_I'll get him to admit it if it's the last thing I do._

And she would…unless someone else decided to do it herself…

Carly shook her head, as if it would put the idea out of her head if she shook it hard enough. She tried to ignore it as she followed Spencer into the apartment…

_No… she's dead Carly. She's gone. Even though you promised each other that you'd have the rest of your lives to hear him finally say it._

Carly was so deep in thought she jumped when she heard what she could have sworn was Sam, laughing sarcastically at something like she always did.

But when she looked up, no one was there.

It's funny in a weird way because Carly… for a second saw her out of the corner of her eyes from the couch, skulking around in the kitchen. Emptying her fridge. Just like any other day. She would bet her life on what she thought she had seen.

_I guess I would have lost that bet…_

She thought bitterly.

_And a week ago, I would've bet my life on Sam living for at least another forty years, but I would have lost that one too…_

After that one, Carly heard a sad sigh so clearly, it was as if she had really been right next to her for a moment.

_Okay Carly…get a grip. She is DEAD. You don't want to end up in an institution, do you? For the last time she is NOT HERE. This is happening wayyy too much to be normal._

"Woah Carls. Talking to yourself? You should get that checked out."

Carly watched in a mixture of awe, confusion, and disbelief as she saw her blonde friend plop down on the couch as if nothing had happened.

_Okay… so first I watch my best friend in the universe die… and now I'm seeing dead people…_

_God… is this a perfect situation for mental illness or what?_

"No offense, but Sam… what the hell are you doing here?"

Carly said cautiously.

"What do you think? I always stay over after iCarly…"

She looked at the brunette with an amused expression, shaking her head with a wide smirk planted on her face.

"But… you've been dead for a week…"

"What planet have you been on Carls? I'm here, so I'm pretty damn sure I'm alive…"

"But- I… I saw… you know what? Never mind."

_Maybe it was a bad dream? …_

Carly tried to reason with herself as she tried to work this out in her head… she glanced over at the calendar on the wall near the computer…

It was the 17th of October…

The day Sam died was October 10th…

_Dreams don't necessarily have to be about the day you have them… so I'll just play along with it…_

Carly tried to shake the feeling that something was really off about this whole situation, but she couldn't get rid of the hunch that whether Sam was alive or not, Carly wasn't sure what it was, but something was wrong with her…

She smelled like Sam, talked like Sam, walked like Sam…

But something in her eyes was just… cold.

_Okay… so there's two things I need to do…_

_Get Freddie to admit his feelings about Sam…_

_Figure out what's up with… 'Sam'…_


	2. The lost chapter

**Update. **This is't Jade. I'm just her friend. I'd just like to inform (to anyone whom this may concern) that you shouldn't be angry with her. She was having a really tough time and I guess I'm just so ignorant and stupid that I didn't realize how much she'd changed. I don't want to make this any more painful than this has to be, so I'm just going to say it. Jadelyn is no longer with us.

I'm reposting her stories so this can be a nice way to remember her. Because writing always seemed to make her really happy (what would I know anyway)...

**-Mia**

**Ps- **I'm not sure if she had finished this.."Sam Puckett, Freddie Benson, and Carly Shay report to the principal's office".

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><p>The voice boomed over the pa system and I jumped out of my seat, wondering what it could possibly be this time. Over the past two and a half days, I've learned a lot about this alternate…place or wherever I am. The only person that is still the same is Sam… Even I'm not the same. The morning after Sam's 'funeral' if it was real, I woke up to a pretty unpleasant surprise.<p>

_I went to brush my hair out in front of my mirror when I noticed it wasn't there. Not only did I have no mirror, but everything was painted either mint green or black. Mostly black. My closet was still in the same place, so I went to go pick out some clothes. I decided I'd go neon today… maybe that would help me get out of whatever weird version of color blindness that I had suddenly acquired. I reached for my hot pink pencil skirt and when I finally grasped what felt like it, I pulled it out and it was… black. I rotated through the hangers on my closet. Maybe I could wear my pink peanut butter love penny tee… only problem was, it was now black… I went through everything in my closet. And in my dresser. Everything, and I mean everything down to my usually brightly colored underwear was black. I know it's silly, but I thought I was going to cry. I see my best friend die, she pops up again, and then one morning I wake up and it seems like I don't know who I am anymore since I can't even Identify one piece of clothing in this room. That was nothing compared to when I finally strolled into the bathroom and caught a glimpse of my hair. I didn't notice at first, but when I woke up enough to realize the girl in the mirror was me, I let out a bloodcurdling scream. My hair, all of it, was dyed a dark, blood red… not to mention the eyebrow ring. And the nose piercing. And the snake bites. To make it worse when I went to splash water on my face to wake myself up and make sure this wasn't another weird dream, I realized my left arm was almost completely covered in tattoos of weird things like tarantulas, eyeballs… and there was a skeleton on the inside of my forearm. I threw on some skinny jeans and some sort of scream-o band shirt, grabbed my book bag…(of course that was black now too).. and ran out the door. _

I was used to the red hair now… I actually kind of liked it… but the rest of this place was completely bizarre. First of all… everyone besides Sam was the complete opposite of their normal personalities. Especially Freddie. He was probably the most different. In this place, he was a straight C student if he ever even put it that much effort, he was the terror of Ridgeway. Almost worse than Sam. If anything, he was just as bad. He made fun of the few normal people left in school, egged Briggs' car, vandalized school property. He thought cameras were stupid and nerdy. Apparently here iCarly never existed because I never took the blame for what Sam did. Apparently this version of me actually posted the flyers of Miss Briggs' head on a rhinoceros around the school. Here, people were afraid of Freddie, Sam and I. It was the weirdest thing going from being popular and well liked to being feared and secretly despised.

I finally made my way to Ted's office where Freddie and Sam were already in their usual seats. Another thing about this place- I also had a special seat in the office. My name was on it. Same with Sam's and with Freddie's.

"What are we in here for this time, Ted?"

Sam's voice broke the uncomfortable silence that had settled over the room.

"You know perfectly well. And didn't I tell you to stop calling me Ted?"

Something was off about Principal Franklin. He wasn't using his usual 'you know I like you guys anyway' tone.

"Seriously, Ted. Why are we here?"

His expression of anger faded to one of smugness, a wide smirk splayed across his features.

"You honestly expect me to fall for this innocent act, Shay? Why don't you ask your good friend Fredward why you're here?"

I glance over at Freddie. He doesn't even look slightly concerned. He's just leaning back, relaxing in his chair. Occasionally stealing a look out the window.

"Freddie…what'd ya do?"

"Didn't do nothin."

"And that's the problem here. None of you do anything to help the school. At all."

"And?"

Sam retorts with her usual attitude. With the 'so-what-you-think-I-give-two-shits' face.

"If you don't do something to help the school or some sort of extracurricular activity, you will all have to repeat senior year. I know that none of the teachers here want to put up with you three _yet another _year."


	3. There Will Be No More Updates

To those of you who asked (I'm not naming names), no the story will NOT continue. Seeing as the author is…you know…dead, she can't exactly write more chapters of the story. But on another note (and I apologize in advance for the bitchiness that will ensue), I REUPLOAD HER STORIES TO REMEMBER HER AND YOU JUST REVIEW TO ASK IF SHE'S GOING TO UPDATE IT? NO, SHE'S NOT! I WISH SHE WAS, BUT SHE'S NOT HERE AND YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT READING A STORY ON A FREAKIN FANFICTION WEBSITE.

I know, that may sound bitchy, but here's a little insight to what's going on in my head right now:

Imagine your friend is a gifted writer, and she's going through a really tough time, but she doesn't tell you everything. Imagine that you try to talk to her, but she pushes you away time after time and you wonder what you did to upset her. You cry about it and pray that she'll get better, and then as soon as she seems like she's fine again, she's gone. She's dead. And then you decide you need a way to remember her so you upload her stories so people can appreciate her gift even though she didn't.

But then some ignorant assholes review to ask if she'll update the story. They don't give a shit about her, they just want to read a story (at least that's how it seems).

How would that make you feel?

So please review to appreciate her work. Share your opinion on it. You don't have to like it. Just share what you think of it, as if the review was going to her. Just don't ask if there will be an update. I know it's disappointing because you won't get to see what happens next, but I don't think it would be right to let someone else continue the story.

Thank you for all the support, and again I'm sorry for the bitchiness, I just couldn't take it anymore.

-Mia


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